I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
