uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
