His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize