I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize