Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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