I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
