If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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