no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize