Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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