I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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