When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
