when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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