Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
