i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Randomize
