News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
