im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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