I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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