just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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