Welp...herpes.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
