i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
this hospital has no fireball
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
