I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
