just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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