doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
