The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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