THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
