i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
