oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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