you guys were way drunker than both of me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
