No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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