haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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