:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
