No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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