i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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