I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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