remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
