i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize