It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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