i don't like sucking hair
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
