SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
