Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
