mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
