So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
