I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
