It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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