She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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