I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My balls are so social today.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
