So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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