What a fucking waste of an outfit
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
