i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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