thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
