It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
