i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
