i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
