So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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