I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
