u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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