Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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