im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
