I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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