Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize