Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
