It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize