I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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